Idiosyncrasies
by Meohy
Summary: Idiosyncrasy: a quirk in typical behavior. Yep. That about sums anything romantic happening between Mello and Near.
1. Like You'd Ever Know

Twirling a pen around his fingers, Mello stared hard at the blank sheet of looseleaf in front of him. He took a deep breath, contemplating the content of what he was about to write, then just deciding to get it over with. Once it was all out and on paper, he'd think about sending it or destroying it. Although he seriously considered the first, he was more sure about the latter.

_Near, _

_I hate you. I really, REALLY hate you. Like a really fucking lot. There's nothing I'd enjoy more than to watch you fail so horribly 'cause it'd be the most hilarious thing I've seen. _

Mello took a moment to snigger at that line, and continued smirking as more vehement phrases came to mind.

_I spend all of my time obsessing over how to finally beat you and that's basically the only way I spend my time. And that's a problem. But, see, you don't know any of this. You don't know how much I think about you…or how hard I try to earn that extra point or two on the Rankings. _

Mello took snapped a piece off of his chocolate bar, noticing the ink stains and rips in the page where he'd pressed too hard on the pen.

_I seriously drive myself insane every time those tests come around, and it's all your fault. __Why? Because it wouldn't bother me as much if anyone else was Number One, because you act…so, so…indifferent about it! Like you don't care, yet you're given the honor, and all I do care, and I'm not. You don't deserve it. And that really irritates me. _You _really irritate me. _

Mello growled at the thought, feeling his hatred for Near swirling in his veins. He briefly looked over what he'd written before, his brows coming together uneasily.

_So why the hell am I writing this? Beats me, kid. You're just on my mind and I sure as hell want you the fuck out of my thoughts. So, goodbye. I hope you die. _

_From, _

_Who the fuck do you think? _

He sighed, his anger settling as the dread of finishing the letter weighed on him. He knew he wanted to write more, but felt like once he got it down, somehow that conformation would make his feelings final. Rolling his eyes at how sissy that statement sounded and unclenching his fists, he scribbled his most inner thoughts down on paper.

_P.S. Matt says that I'm in love with you. For once, I think he's right. _

Mello took glanced over what he'd written. Completely repulsed by the vulnerably it presented, he tore it to shreds. But, as Matt noticed from across their shared room, there was no mistaking the pink hue of the blonde's cheeks, or the ghost of a smile that occasionally graced his lips as he wrote that letter. Yeah, Matt thought, he's totally into Near. So deep that there's no more denying it.


	2. Tricked You

**A/N – **I did publish this before, under a different name, but took it off out of utter shame. I liked the idea it presented, but I think I took the wrong approach originally. But I edited it, and I'm pretty happy with it now. Ugh, I can't publish more, though - I've got study for my English and Math midterms; wish me luck! :D

Quick message, though: I know these stories aren't going to be in character for Mello and Near, but I like trying to find situations where they _could_ be civilized to each other, you know? So, yes, I know this really wouldn't happen, but I like believing it _could._ :P

* * *

_NEAR POV:_

It took one look to _know._

As I peer at him from the couch, briefly watching him work, I sense something I'm normally not attuned to.

In one moment, his gaze locks with mine, and I'm speaking to him before I realize it. "Why are you looking at me like that, Mello?"

"Seriously?" He stops what he's doing and focuses all irritated attention on me, a scornful expression plastered across his angel face. "You've been acting weird all day."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I reply, trying to dodge the subject, wanting to stop the agrument to come.

"Oh, what?" He readies himself to rattle off his accusations, as suspected. "You didn't think I'd noticed?"

"There's nothing to notice." I murmur, picking up my toys off the floor to play with them unperturbed. Armed with a robot in each hand, I flick my wrists to start a battle between them.

He frowns. "Don't say that."

"I didn't mean it like that." I instantly regret calling his attention. Now we're going to start the side-stepping mind game that I didn't intend. "Nothing's wrong."

A pause—and I wistfully think conversation was over—until he raises his head, his jaw set determinedly. "I think we should talk about it."

"I don't."

"Fine." A dramatic eyeroll. "Suit yourself."

Mello slumps into the couch beside me, crossing his legs and slinging his arm across the top.

He's only sitting beside me, but I'm suddenly hyperaware of his presence—he's too close and that makes me uncomfortable. My gaze travels the length of the cushion, and I notice how our legs are on opposite sides—his knee isn't a foot away from mine. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him watching me occasionally, indifferently. Outwardly, he appears unconcerned, but inwardly, I know what he's doing.

I avert my gaze, pretending that my heartbeat isn't pulsating sporadically or that my arms aren't tingling. Having my robots clash in an epic duel, I convey a persona of apathy to push away the pressure of giving into what Mello wants.

Why am I acting this way? A stupid question, because the answer was this: I feel guilty that I'm hiding my emotions from Mello. How could I when I love him?

While I am debating inner turmoil, beside me, Mello clicks his tongue. This is amusing to him. He's fully aware that he's irritating me, but isn't going to stop until I tell him what he wants to know.

Bastard.

"We're not talking about this." I repeat firmly.

His eyes widen innocently. "I didn't say anything!" Then a slow smirk comes across his face. "But I did get you to confess that there's something you want to talk about it. Naturally, you play dumb in the beginning, but just then you said 'we're not talking about this.' Key word: _this. _Why would you try to defend something that doesn't exist?"

Damn. He got me. He could read me like a book, couldn't he?

I sigh. "This isn't a game, Mello. When I say I don't want to talk because nothing's wrong, then I mean it."

He takes a crack at his chocolate, which appears in his right hand. I hadn't noticed it before. "I don't believe you."

I am silent.

He must've finally noticed that my hands were shaking, because he reaches over to me, removing the toys from my hands. I watch him set them down on the floor beside our couch.

I shift my gaze to meet his. "You've got my attention. What is it exactly that you want from me?"

He leans towards me, a fire blazing in his cerulean eyes. "I want to know everything, Near. Your hopes, your fears. What makes you laugh, or cry. I want to know what makes you smile. I want to know your past."

His sudden investment in me is unexpected, and I'm taken aback. I stare at him, and he doesn't break eye contact. "Mello, what—"

"No, listen. I'm tired playing mind games with you. I don't want to guess what you're thinking. I want to know. I want you to tell me. You've got to finally let me in. And I think you're ready."

The statement catches me off-guard. But in the hazy confusion that follows, the look Mello gave me makes everything clearer. Then I realize that I'm not irritated that he is pestering me—his concern, actually, is touching, if not widely uncharacteristic—I'm irritated that he'd waited this long to try to get to _really_ know me. He's shown me but a small portion of the concern he contains. And I'm smart enough to try to hold on to that portion for as long as possible.

He sits back, chocolate bar at the ready. "You've got a voice, Near, so use it. Start talking. I've got time."

I take a deep breath, making up my mind. "You won't understand everything I tell you."

The corner of his mouth upturns in a victorious half-smile, like he's just found the key to unlock a treasure of sorts. "I've got faith, Near. Try me."


	3. Abnormal

When Mello dragged him to the a 3D viewing of The Exorcist, hoping to scare an emotion out of the apathetic albino, all Near did was comment on how the snack bar lacked a preference of apple juice.

When Mello raged at him over any stupid, insignificant thing, Near blinked. He just took it all in, not yielding anything to his supposed to be confident/boyfriend.

When Mello poked his side relentlessly while singing Justin Bieber songs repeatedly, trying to annoy him, Near wordlessly removed his hand, if he even addressed it at all. And he certainly didn't comment on Mello serenading "Baby" to him (which only led Mello to believe Near was a closeted JB fanatic).

When Mello challenged his intelligence, Near tilted his head to the side. Not intrigued to oppose him, not sparked to fire back at him, not even confused as to why Mello would act academically superior to him. He just looked at Mello for a second, silently acknowledging his presence, then returned to his previous task.

When Mello illegally downloaded The Miracle of Life, forced Near in front of his laptop, and had him watch the portion where a woman gives birth to her child, Near left the room. And, following him a sense of victory settling in, Mello was disappointed to find that Near had just went back to his puzzle. Mello tried to urge a reaction out of him because _he'd just watched a small, squishy _thing_ being given life and he didn't do or saying ANYTHING. _But Mello couldn't get through to him, despite pestering him with questions like, "But wasn't it beautiful? Disgusting? Baffling? Appalling? Amazing? You didn't want to cry or puke your lunch up? Maybe a little both at the same time? Seriously?"

When Mello pulled Near into an alleyway to watch as he kicked a stray cat, Near just stared at him. He wasn't surprised, but also didn't act like he'd expected it. He just shrugged and asked why they weren't wearing coats when it was cold outside.

When Mello put a marathon of Titanic, The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Romeo and Juliet, and The Boy in the Striped Pajamas on for Near, he didn't cry. He sniffed. As Mello turned to him expectantly, the white-haired boy trembled a little. Then, squinting, he brought his sleeve to his eyes and sneezed.

It was after doing all this that Mello came to the conclusion that Near was totally abnormal.

* * *

**A/N – **It's pretty safe to say Near's not an Animal Rights activist. Or human at all, for that matter. Who could listen to "Baby" on repeat or sit through all those tear-jerking movies and NOT bawl their eyes out (or in the case of JB, want to rip their eyes out)? Or, oh sweet Godiva, watch The Miracle of Life and NOT feel nauseous? Seriously, I couldn't look food for a while. Just…bleh.


	4. Sleepy Stoic

Mello had a rough day, but was instantly excited when Matt dragged him for drinking, the redhead determined to cheer him up. It was great to have the stress that day brought chased away with a night of some mindless fun with his best friend. But all hype disappeared when his head began pounding again, painfully throbbing on the stairs leading up to his and Near's shared apartment. And although he loved him, Mello wasn't looking forward to putting up with his boyfriend's careful, serious, dry demeanor.

But the irritation of his headache seemed to vanish when Mello pushed the door open, and took in what lay before him.

There Near was, curled up in a ball, clutching a stuffed elephant close, all nestled in his footie pajamas in the middle of the floor. He'd fallen asleep trying to wait up for Mello to get home. At the sight, Mello felt his heart skip a beat. Stubbornly, he refused to believe it was because this was the cutest he'd ever seen Near act. He blamed the stab in his chest on heartburn, and vowed never to eat spicy chicken wings again.

But just as Mello was about to kick him awake, the sound-asleep stoic shifted a little. The chocoholic quirked a brow, wondering if Near was conscious, and moved to let him stay there. Near bristled softly and brought his knees closer to his chest, trembling. Mello rolled his eyes, shrugged off his coat, and cut the light to the living room. He trudged to the couch to retrieve a blanket to throw over the now-shivering albino.

Kneeling beside him, Mello got close to spread out the blanket over him, figuring he'd just leave when he'd covered him. But Near sleepily reached out and attached himself to the leather-clad blonde's chest the second he came near. Stunned, Mello froze, his heart lurching into his throat, as Near wrapped his arms around his neck, nuzzling his face into his shoulder, and sighed contently.

As Mello held Near in his lap, the younger boy's warm body completely pressed into his chest, he wondered just now 'asleep' the albino really was. "Hey, you can't really be asleep now." He accused quietly. Some time passed and there was no response. "…Quit messing with me," Mello whispered crossly. "…Come on, wake up and get off my leg, you're crushing it!"

Near just nuzzled his face deeper into Mello's shoulder. "Mm."

"No, stop it!" Mello whined, gripping the fuzzy sides of Near's footie pajama shirt to lightly push him off. "Get off me so I can go to bed—just go back to being all curled up on the floor peacefully! Come on, I'm not gonna carry you to bed!"

Near didn't budge, his arms locking tighter around the blonde's neck. He did shift, though, to press warm, lazy kisses into the older boy's neck. Near, smirking mentally, inched his eyes open just enough to see Mello's face flush a deep red, even in the dark.

"Okay, now I _know_ you're faking it." Mello muttered under his breath.

Near let the trail of kisses lead along Mello's jaw, and stopped just as the path reached the corner of his mouth. To drowsy to care anymore, Mello let out an exasperated breath. "Okay, _fine_, but only this once!" Then, he shakily rose to his feet, Near gathered up in his arms, and carried him to bed.

He set Near down, and swung some covers over him, then went to quickly change so he could join him. Once Mello got under the blankets, Near scooted over to cuddle him, but Mello barked, "No, bad! Get back to your side!" Narrowed cerulean eyes glared at him until he retreated. Near grumpily crawled back to the other side of the bed.

It was then when Mello could finally get a good night's sleep. He closed his eyes and slipped to a trouble-free slumber, at ease now that his very not-affectionate boyfriend wasn't unusually clinging onto him anymore.

But it wasn't long before Near had attached himself to Mello's arm and, and eventually, the unconscious blonde's side. And he'd stay there till morning.

Oh yeah. Near could get whatever he wanted.


	5. I Could Like You

Near wasn't expecting the door to his playroom to be thrown open. Near wasn't expecting the lively, but very _not_ livid, blonde to come join him in the middle of the carpeted floor. But what surprised Near the most was when Mello drew him close and kissed him. Near wasn't expecting that at all.

Mello, clasping the younger boy's face in his hands, moved his mouth carefully and slowly against Near's, who kept still, his shoulders tensed. His hands, resting on knees, closed in fists, but his eyes remained open, wide from shock.

Mello pulled back, a gentle expression on his face. "I don't think I hate you as much anymore." He whispered, an earnest light in his eyes. His mouth formed a cocky smile. "I keep trying, but I can't."

Near took in a shaky breath, his cheeks stained with a petal-pink blush. His thoughts spiraled out of control, reaching out in confounded tendrils, trying desperately to access an equation to solve this, as if life—and this moment—could be modeled with measured values.

As Mello's arms wound around him, warm and sturdy, Near thought it felt…nice. Maybe he could…like this. Maybe he could…like him.


	6. Atypical

When Mello hauled Near to a football game, Near sat through it all, but refused to show a shred of spirit. Matt, who had driven them, frowned and pointed at Near's jersey—the one Near had physically fought Mello to not wear. "How can you not cheer when you're all dolled up like that?"

When Mello tied Near into a chair at the local beauty salon, he watched evilly as the albino was slathered in various sprays, paints, gels, and powders. After it was all done, Near turned his bored eyes on the blonde, emotionlessly saying, "I don't feel pretty."

When Mello sprang onto Near, pinning him down and tickling him, Near's face froze, and one listless "ha" escaped his mouth.

When Mello had Matt give Near one of his patent warm, snuggly hugs, Near stiffened, and when the older teen's arms retreated, awkwardly walked away.

When Mello bawled at Near's feet, assembling a gripping story of woe, Near set a tissue box in front of Mello, then put earmuffs on to block out the rest of the blonde's tragic tale.

When Mello trashed their apartment, Near wordlessly set things back in order. Then, as he walked by Mello, he shot him with Lysol. To be spiteful, Mello surmised.

When Mello clamped headphones over Near's ears and held them there, his smug expression mirrored in the proximity of Near's wide slate eyes, heavy motivational empowerment songs played at stirringly loud volume for him. All Near could hear was the unbridled emotion of the singer blaring deafeningly in his ears and all he could feel was the beat of the instruments sink deep in his veins. At the end of the playlist, Near asked Mello to pass the Ibuprofen because he had a headache.

When Mello and Matt shoveled Near into a bar and proceeded in drowning him with alcohol, Near drove them home perfectly sober. He was even sober enough to scold them for their unruly behavior, much to Mello's annoyance. So he just loudly made-out with Matt (who was too spent to realize what was happening), much to Near's annoyance. As Mello unhooked his seatbelt and slipped into the other teen's lap for a better angle to rape Matt's mouth at, Near didn't do or say anything.

There was no doubt about it—Near was the most atypical personal Mello would ever know.

* * *

**A/N – **There you have it, lovelies. The sequel to 'Abnormal.' Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did :3


	7. Number One

"What the hell, Near?" Mello bellowed as he stormed into his rival's playroom, the door slamming behind him as he seethed furiously.

Near looked up from his heap of cards (previously a card tower) collapsed from the breeze the now practically splintered door created. "Mello," his gaze was as bored as his was tone flat.

The blonde stood fuming, a crumpled paper gripped in one hand, a chocolate bar in the other. "I scored higher than you in all of the tests. Every damn one! What the hell kind of trick is this?"

Near returned his attention to rebuilding his card tower, lithely stacking them up again, one by one.

"I always knew you'd never fight back!" Mello raged, pacing back in circles around the smaller boy. "I'm Number One, damn it! And it isn't possible!" He jabbed an accusing finger at the orphan now placed second in the Rankings. "This is a freaky mind game, isn't it?" He leaned in, sticking his scowling face close to Near's as he screamed, "_Isn't it_!"

Near didn't flinch. His stillness and lack of reponse caused Mello to falter. But, withdrawing, his quickly regained his posture. "Well, I'm not falling for it! You hear me? Damn it, Near – look at me!"

Near held Mello's bitter cerulean glare, curling a white lock around his finger. Amid his rant, Mello had advanced and now he was in range to kick Near's cards over. He didn't, though. Instead, Mello took an angry crack at his chocolate, pacing around Near's room. He seemed to be sizing up the toys that were most valuable to his rival, which ones he should destroy first.

Near swatted the card tower down and curled into a ball. "I find your reaction puzzling. If my logic were correct, you would have taken satisfaction in your only victory over me. Obviously my assessment was incorrect."

Mello threw a shelf of toys clattering to the floor, wallpaper shredding, the wood shelf breaking into pieces. Splinters flew everywhere. At the sound of each plastic or glass or metal object crashing to the floor, Near winced.

"English, freak! I don't give a shit for your smart-talk!"

"I don't understand. I thought that if you became Number One, you would leave me—and everything in your destructive path—at peace."

Mello crossed the room and stuck his face close to Near's again. "What the hell kind of satisfaction can I convey when we both know you purposefully failed? It's a punch in the gut to have your petty compassion, Near. Don't you see it, genius? I've got to earn it _myself_, and _you_ can't give it to me!"

Near shied away from Mello's unwanted proximity, and indifferently replied, "I didn't give it to you. We both took the tests and you scored higher than me. Congratulations, Mello."

Mello kicked some toys and threw his arms in the air, "Why do you do this to me, Near? You don't get it! I have to make my own way, fight my own battles—I can't be handed victories!"

Mello seethed when he reached the end of his chocolate bar, tearing up the wrapper and throwing it to the ground.

"I just wanted you to be happy." Near whispered, barely audible.

Mello's back was to him, and he shuddered. Near rose from his position on the floor and went to his rival's side. He reached up to touch the taller boy's shoulder, but Mello jerked away. Near didn't know what he was thinking, didn't know how to process Mello's emotions. He wasn't sure if the sudden silence was contempt or realization.

"Mello..." Near began, but Mello turned, his blue eyes chaotic, and punched Near in the face. Sprawling on the floor, Near just looked up at Mello, shock evident in his charcoal eyes.

Mello flexed his fingers, and turned to go. "You've got a lot of learn about happiness, Near." He said over his shoulder, his voice sodden with hate.


	8. Potential

Mello fell to his knees across from Near. He met the slate gaze fixed on him with an utterly defeated look. "I'm done fighting. I'm done trying to beat you. I'm tired. Tired of beating myself up trying to be something I'm not. I won't want to fight anymore; I'm sick and tired of it."

"You won't stop fighting, Mello." Near replied simply, his tone and face blank. "I'll continue to push you because I know you won't quit. That's what I do."

"No, but, wait, you're not getting it—"

"Mello, you have the potential to exceed any boundaries someone sets against you. Why do you think I push you as hard as I do? You're a worthy adversary."

He didn't know how to comprehend this, so he just scoffed and countered with, "Why? Because it's amusing when I fail?"

Near dodged the question, not permitting of the emotional answer that would accompany it. He still was honest with Mello as he said, "You've been better than me all along, you've just been held back. By nature, by others, by fate. Things have worked out for me, but I think they were intended for you."

"What are you even saying?"

"My offer to have you join the Kira Case still stands. Have you decided to accept it now?"

"Wait, what? Where the hell did that come from?"

"You said yourself you were done 'fighting.' Why not ally with me, just this once?"

Mello shook his head, and the long silence that followed, firmly made up his mind. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into…" He warned.

"I have an idea." Near said. "As long as you're with me, I can settle for any hardship that it presents."

**

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**

**A/N – **If it's not blazingly clear, MelloxNear is a lot of fun to write. :3

But if it seems like I'm jumping ship, I'm not. I'm still devoted to MxM. It's like I've got my feet firmly planted in MattxMello, my main ship, my Black Pearl, and I'm temporality anchored on the island of MelloxNear. I'm only vacationing there and drinking up all the rum until I return to ship (MxM) and sail away…wow, if I've made weird analogies before, that's gotta be the weirdest. XD And somehow I managed to make a Pirates of the Caribbean reference. Chocolaty Lime Fluff, what is wrong with me? (**To VermillionStar**: Lime Fluff, lol C:)


	9. Other Men

Mello stiffly treaded through the door to their bedroom, where he found his stoic partner organizing a board game with imaginary players. He addressed Near with a faraway voice and stunned eyes, absently sitting crossed-legged across from him. "Near…there's something that happened that I've gotta tell you about it, but it's bad…"

Near didn't respond, but didn't halt Mello either, prompting him by levelly holding his seemingly haunted gaze.

Mello clasped his hands together, looking down at them. "Okay, I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I, um…I kissed Matt today." Cerulean eyes flicked upwards hesitantly. Mello squinted against the incoming light from the window on the wall parallel to him. Near, before him and in front of the window, was lightly touched by the warm light, which caused shadows to splay out around him, dancing on the edges of his white pajamas.

"Oh." Near said, moving a wooden game piece forward, the shadow his arm cast stretching over the board.

Mello waited for more. Then, irritated, he shook the board claiming Near's attention, scattering the pieces all over the carpet. "…'Oh?' That's all you have to say?"

Near surveyed how the card piles had fanned out, slate eyes not meeting Mello's cerulean ones. "What do you want me to say, Mello? You're telling me about something you did yourself, so why am I included in it? This is between you and Matt, not me."

"But, Near, you're my…ah...whatever you want to call it. We're _together_. I thought I had to tell you. Matt's my best friend, and up until now, I thought it was just that. Friendship." His eyes got distant again for a while, before finally focusing on the white-haired boy again. "Aren't you hurt?" Mello ventured. "Doesn't this feel like betrayal?"

"Why would it?" Near asked, everything about him void of emotion, void of anything to prompt Mello as to how he was feeling. "It's none of my business what you and Matt do together." He simply stated.

"Seriously?" Mello's brows knit in bewilderment. "How can you say that? How the hell are you _okay _with this?"

Near's lips curled up in a tight, almost taunting smile. "Have you considered that you're not alone in having romantic relationships outside of this one?"

Mello looked totally lost. "What the hell does that mean?" Near watched patiently as realization registered on the blonde's face. "Wait," he said, his jaw locking. "You mean to say you're in other relationships? I don't believe it! Are you seeing other people besides me?"

"Oh, Mello, don't be so vain." Near reached up to pat Mello's head with a small pale hand. "You're not my only partner, you're just the most convenient. Think about that."

Near rose, leaving the baffled blonde behind and went to log onto his laptop—where, sure enough, a plethora of doting messages from Mikami and Gevanni were waiting.

* * *

**A/N –** Whoever invented the NearxGevannixMikami ship is a genius who has my infinite love and admiration, as do all of my readers and reviewers! I LOVE YOU ALL :D


	10. So You Say

Somehow Mello tended to be surrounded by a crowd of kids when they were younger. Wherever he went, he was in the dead center of a mass of loyal cronies. He was the kind of person that despite how selfish, belligerent, and obnoxious he was, he still had friends. The other kids saw him mostly as short-tempered and destructive, tactless and impulsive. His disturbingly wicked intellect was the only thing that kept him firmly as the second smartest in the orphanage of gifted children. Well, his uncanny smarts _and _his devilish sense of humor.

Near wasn't any of those things and yet he was alone. He thought logically, weighing every outcome before making a decision. He often over-thought situations, preferring to dwell in thought instead of feeling. His personality was dry and somber, yet he wasn't predictable. To counteract his exceedingly bright intelligence, he teased his brain with simple games. He almost always had a toy robot or stuffed animal clutched under his arm. Most kids didn't understand that…or him, for that matter. In turn, Near didn't bother to understand them. It wasn't worth his time, and that brought him to wonder why Mello was walking towards at that exact moment.

It had recently rained, so Mello's combat boots splashed in mud and water with every step he took towards Near, who was sitting on the blacktop at the edge of the basketball court. One of his friends swiftly followed him, practically perched at his shoulder. "This has got to be the epitome of stupidity or insanity. Whatever the outcome, I'm pretty sure you'll end up pissed away. Which I'm not cool with dealing with, man."

"Fine. Don't. Leave this up to me, Rye-bread." Mello called his comrade, Riley, by his nickname.

The curly-haired brunette kept his pace up with Mello's. "I mean, Near? Why the hell would you want to voluntarily hang out with him? I can't even stand the thought and neither can you. Usually."

"Yeah, well, I can't stand your face. But I seem to manage."

"Funny."

"People seem to think I am. I don't know, when your just so well-loved by your peers, you tend to go along with the praises they hurl at you."

"Ha-ha. You're dazzling wit can't even justify how wrong this situation is. It's so wrong I don't even want a part of it."

"Then get the hell outta my face. S'none of your business." Mello countered with.

Riley held his ink-covered hands defensively. "Hey, I'm just looking out for you. D'you know what you're getting yourself into?"

"Yeah, so split. Now."

"Whatever, dude. I tried. You're crazy, just batshit crazy."

"Mello." Near, although he could've ignored Riley and Mello's conversation, raised his head to address the tall, lanky blonde casting a shadow on him. "Why are you here?" He inquired of his elder.

"To make your day suck a little less. And hey, just think - fifty years from now, you'll hear a kid take the confirmation name of _Mello _because of me_._" Mello folded his legs, settling down on the concrete beside the small white-haired boy. "Yeah," he said smugly. "I just called myself a saint. Resist the urge to bow. But if you bowed and stuck your face close to the grass, then it'd look like you were grazing, sheep-boy."

Near lifted an eyebrow at the black-clad teen. Mello expected him to answer, and paused to listen for it. The silence between them spanned long enough for Mello's shadow to expand and swell over the blacktop further.

"You know, talking to you is just as productive as flossing the teeth of the lion statue out front." Mello said, surveying the stack of cards Near had clasped in his hands, then his gaze raked over the toy robot close to Near. "How does Optimus Prime stand you? Does he ever get tired of listening to your long, ranting conversations?" He paused, but Near didn't comment. "I know, I know. This is where you'll point out that Optimus Prime isn't real, but—wait, what?" Mello's brows shot up incredulously. "Don't tell me you believe that there was actually a race of transforming robots? Wow," the blonde remarked. "Hollywood can brainwash everyone these days." He faltered, clutching his chest like the fact pained his heart. "That's…that's a bit upsetting, actually."

Near ignored his incessant babble (he was starting to sound like Matt, which brought Near to surmise that they spent to much time in each other's company), and asked him an important question. Anything to make this conversation worthwhile, avoid having it become a waste of time. Besides, his questions needed answering. "Then why are you here? Why would you want to leave the other kids for me? We're rivals…so you say. Shouldn't I be the last person you'd want to make 'day's suck a little less'?"

Mello's lips pressed into a firm line. "Ever heard of rumor, kid?"

"No." Near admitted honestly, sheepishly. Statistically, he was intellectually superior to the other boy, so where was this lack of knowledge coming from? Why did he feel like he was missing information?

Mello snickered, a light humor brightening his features. Fashioning a knot out of the blades of grass crushed in his hand, he said, "'Course not." He turned to Near, a gestured at the cards he was holding. "Here, deal me some cards. I'll play War with you."


	11. Rave

"I think I have a girlcrush on Lady GaGa." Matt said randomly as he climbed the stairs to Mello's apartment with said leather-wearing blonde.

Mello, a few steps ahead of him, shot him a doubtful look. "Matt, that's not possible. You're a _guy_, so you can't have a _girl_crush on Lady GaGa."

"But I'm gay," was Matt's logic. "So I can't have a guycrush on her because I act like the same as her gender."

"Aw," Mello touched Matt's cheek as they edged around a corner, a mocking grin slung across his mouth. "That cute, determined look really makes up for your lack of common sense."

The redhead swatted his hand away. "What a catty thing for you to say, Mels. No wonder I'm not into you – you just ooze estrogen and Victoria Secret perfume. We can both crush over Lady GaGa now that I've established you're a girl."

"Way to go, asshole. You just contradicted yourself. The terms 'girlcrush' and 'guycrush' constitute crushes that are literally the same gender as you because it's like saying you've got this extreme admiration of them when you're very much heterosexual yourself."

"Which is exactly my point. Since I _don't _have a heterosexual gene in my body, I definitely considered Lady GaGa a girlcrush."

"Whatever." Mello stated as they reached the top step and turned for the hallway. "I can't believe we're debating something like this."

Matt shoved his hands in his jean pockets. "You started it by singing to 'Poker Face' in the car."

Mello was over their debate as soon as he heard a rhythmic beat pulsating from the walls of the hallway. "Never mind GaGa, do you hear that?"

"Yeah, it's Ke$ha's new song 'Blow'. Catchy little tune, isn't it?"

"Sure, but is it coming from _my_ apartment?" Mello's suspicion increased more and more by each door they passed until they came to his own. He and Matt came to a halt at the room marked with two 'sevens', then an upside down 'two' that hung like that because Mello slammed the door frequently.

"Well. I had no idea Near was a Ke$ha fan." Matt murmured, sounding impressed.

Cobalt eyes rolled as a metal key was jammed into the lock. "He isn't."

As the door swung open, more and more of what seemed like a crazy rave party was revealed. All the lights were blacked out and replaced by neon strobe lights. The furniture was tipped over save for the couch in the middle of the floor. Speakers of all different sizes and shapes were placed in spontaneous places all over the place. Confetti and whip cream were everywhere.

Mello's jaw dropped to the floor when, amid the chaos that had wrecked his apartment, he found Near in the middle of it all. He was carefully centered in Mikami's lap, but the rest of his body was tilted towards Gevanni, who seemed to be eating the albino's face as if it were a buffet of fresh doughnuts. The damn cop was all but slobbering over Near's mouth—and was more than a little breathless when he pulled back so Mikami could have his share.

"YAY FUN!" Matt bellowed as he ran into Mello and Near's apartment. The strobe lights drenched his writhing body as he danced to the deafening music.

"Nope, everyone out." Mello said, voice dominating the volume of the music. His gloved hand reached for the crowbar behind the door. "My house did NOT become a gay bar!"

Mello watched as his guests—which totaled to be Mikami, Gevanni, L, Light, Beyond Birthday, A, Misa, Takada, Raye Penber, Matsuda, Sayu, Wedy, Halle, Aiber, the Yotsuba Group, and Matt—passed through the door one by one. He held the crowbar in his hand the entire time, shooting every 'guest' a murderous look. With eyes narrowed into two hateful slits, he growled, "_Aren't you married?_" at Gevanni.

When the apartment was empty, cobalt eyes fell on the small white-haired boy curled in the middle of the floor. Mello moved to start straightening up their living room. "You know what, Near," he said somberly, pushing up the sleeves of his leather jacket. "I think you hear me ask this too much, but I don't tire of wondering it: _what the hell were you thinking?_" Mello paused, still mystified at his stoic partner's completely unexpected actions. "But I think the more important I should be asking is: _why the hell wasn't I invited?" _

_

* * *

_

**A/N-** This chapter is dedicated to zummi16, my wonderful and zany friend who inspired it. -shrug- We both wanted to see a MikamixGevannixNear threesome. Plus, doesn't this story make you want to party with Near?


	12. Playtime

A four-year old Mello beheld an equally toddling Near from across the playroom with his bottom lip stuck out in a pout. The little monster was hogging one of _his _toys, _his _shiny toy gun! Little Mello wasn't going to have that. Sharing crayons at craft time he could tolerate. He could wait patiently for Near to finish washing his hands before snack time on a good day. Being forced to play together sometimes at recess, that was fine. But hoard all the best toys, all the ones Mello had made sure everyone knew were his own? _No way_ that was happening.

Mello peeked up at the nearest adult, tugging on their preschool teacher's long skirt. "Why is Near playing with my toys? Tell him he can't touch my toys!" He demanded.

The preschool teacher, Miss Caroline, gave the tiny blonde a warm smile. "But he's having as much fun with your toy as you do. Why can't you share with Near? He's not breaking it. You two can share. Come on," she took his hand. "You'll have so much fun playing with Near, Mello!"

"Noooo! I don't want to!" Mello whined. "You can't make me! I don't wanna play wif Near! I don't want to share with him! I hate sharing!"

The teacher made no attempt to loosen her grip on Mello's hand as she escorted him over to Near's corner of the playroom.

As Mello was brought closer, he saw that Near was even shooting the shiny toy gun wrong. His wrist wasn't tilting the gun to the side! Mello was close to throwing a full-out temper tantrum. Angry tears pricked in the corners of his big cerulean eyes. One thing was playing with his toy without permission, and another was not even playing with it right. Mello's pout became a scowl as he watched Near longer. His small fists clenched when Miss Caroline let go of his hand.

She crouched down to the alphabet-themed carpet next to Near. He was busy knocking over a row of his robots with the foamy bullets the shiny toy gun propelled. He hardly noticed her as she tried to address him. And he certainly didn't notice the scathing looks the blonde-haired toddler was sending him from the teacher's side. "Near?" She said in her cheery voice.

A head covered with fluffy white locks didn't turn, big slate eyes still focused on targeting the robots.

"Near?" Miss Caroline said again, reaching out to nudge the toddler's shoulder. "I brought a friend for you to play with." She pushed Mello towards him gently. "See? Mello's here. He wants to play with you."

Near blinked up at them. He picked up a robot and offered it to Mello. That was as much as Miss Caroline was going to get out of him, so she turned to watch the other kids. "No, Matt! Come here! How did you get yourself covered in glitter?" She called, hurrying away.

Crossing his arms, Mello plopped down next to Near. "I have to be nice to you." He scowled. "What do you want to play?"

"I like darts." Near shrugged, setting the robot he clutched down since Mello refused to reach out and take it. "They're kinda fun."

Mello squinted at Near, giving him his best meanie-face. "I don't like darts." He grumbled.

"What about blocks?" Near asked. "We can make a really big tower," he suggested.

"No."

"What about a puzzle? I like the one with the farm animals on it. It has the littlest pieces. Do you like puzzles?"

"No, puzzles are boring! Is there anything else we can play?" Mello huffed.

"Well, we can't play cards because I know more games then you."

Mello gritted his teeth, causing Near to wince a little. This kid was really beginning to annoy him.

Near's huge grey eyes stared at him innocently. "What?"

"I don't like you."

That didn't faze the white-haired toddler. "I want someone to play with me." He lifted his arms up. "I got a rocket ship, see?"

That finally set Mello off. "Rawr!" He growled and charged the other little boy, knocking him over upon impact. Both little, pudgy toddlers crashed to the floor. The rocket ship slipped out of Near's hands. Mello pounded his little fists on Near's chest. "Nooo, it's mine! It's mine! Mine, mine, mine, mine!"

Near tried to crawl away, but Mello jumped on his back. The blonde held a rocket ship up high in the air, pouting. "Dis my wocket ship! You ca' have it! It's mine! Mine!"

Near's small arms wobbled under Mello's weight. "Ehh!" He whined. "Get off my back!"

Suddenly, the blonde started to laugh. A bright smile broke over his round, little face as more giggles poured out from his mouth. This was fun! Then he kicked Near's legs, beckoning the other boy to resume crawling. "Giddy up, horsey!"


	13. What Am I To You?

"You know, Near," Mello began. "I'm been thinking…"

He and Near were cuddled on their couch in front of a debate of astrophysics on television. It was quiet and serene in their tiny apartment. All was quiet and serene between them until Mello said something. But it was impossible to sit through a three-hour debate on astrophysics and _not _have your mind wander to nonsensical things.

Yet Near didn't understand this because he was listening attentively, of course. He had become fully immersed in the talk of space travel and zero-gravity and the 63 moons of Jupiter. "That's the purpose of the debate, to evoke thought." Near brought the blanket they were sharing tighter around his shoulders. "Have you made a stunning contribution to discovering life on Mars, Mello?"

But Mello was too busy meddling in his own thoughts. Near's belittling comment didn't register for him. His thumb hit the 'power' button on the remote. Near turned to face him, his eyes a fraction wider than usual. "Oh, it's not like I'd turned off a debate on Molecular Biology and Evolution, so shut up," Mello snapped.

Near couldn't argue with that, so he just listened.

Mello took a deep breathe before starting. "So I've been thinking. I don't know what to call _this._" He motioned to the space between them. "I mean, we live together. All your stuff is here. Especially all those god-awful hard plastic things I happen to step on _all the time_. You have food delivered to the door; you eat all your meals with me. You sleep and shower here. We share a bed. We spend time together. So you live here, live with me. You've made a life here with me. But what does that make our relationship? What does that mean? If you were introducing me to someone, what would you call me? Boyfriend doesn't sound right. Or roommate. And we're not friends. Or enemies." Mello tried to search for the answer to all his questions in Near's expression. But of course that was impossible with a mask so neatly in place. "What am I to you?" Mello murmured, running and hand through Near's curly white locks. His other arm tightened around the albino nestled in his lap, drawing him closer. "I wanna know. What am I to you?"

His slate dropped to look at his small pale hands resting on Mello's chest. "You are someone who takes care of me," Near responded after a moment, restricting emotion from seeping into his voice. He uttered it like one would pronounce the answer to a logarithmic function.

Mello cleared his throat. "Don't be sentimental." He chuckled a bit awkwardly, a bit ruefully. "It doesn't seem right coming from you."

"I didn't mean to be sentimental." Near said impassively, the answer simple for him. "By 'taking care of me,' I mean, you pay for the rent." He snuggled closer to Mello. When the blonde relaxed a little, he took the remote out of his hand to turn the astrophysics debate back on. "That's all I need you for."


	14. I Wouldn't Know

_Dear Mello,_

_If you didn't tear this to shreds at first glimpse of it, I commend you. I didn't expect you to get past the fact that I'd write to you. (And I'll have you that I've broken a vow to myself in writing this.) Congratulations. You're not as reckless and intolerant as I thought. _

_I've written a letter and addressed it to you because I'm a genius. I can figure out every problem that is given to me, effortlessly. Except you. I can't seem to solve you. I tried and it's impossible. I've tried to not be intrigued by how unpredictable you are. But I can't. I'm different when you're around. There's something that I can't explain that happens to me when I'm in your presence. It bothers me that I can't explain the impact you have on me. That…that…can it be described as a feeling? _

_You have enough sense and manners to meet me, don't you? If you're thinking about it—seeing me—I can tell you this: it wouldn't be so bad. Consider it this way—I'm a better student then you in every subject imaginable, so I'll learn. I'll adapt quickly. You just have to have patience. If that's possible. _

_N_

It was when Near got to the post office and stood on his tippy-toes to look over the counter that he realized mailing letters actually cost money. Near didn't have any real money, and he was sure that the post office wasn't going to accept _Monopoly _money. He wasn't any good at making counterfeit money, nor did he have any 'contacts' for the criminal deed. That was Mello's job.

So he was back to square one. The 'start' square (or 'Go' in terms of _Monopoly_).

With the unmailed letter clutched in his hand, Near went to play with the toys at Toys-R-Us and ignore the complexities of romance.


	15. Stubbornness

Mello was being difficult. This situation was already troublesome, so Near couldn't figure out why Mello's stubbornness was necessary. He was only making this harder for the both of them. If Near had the physical strength, he would knock the stingy blonde out and just get this over with. He'd considered it several times in the past hour.

"Stop moving." Near, seated on the edge of their porcelain bathtub, pressed firmly down on Mello's shoulders. He kept his elder between his knees as he took a washcloth from the soapy water behind him and brought it to the golden head of his partner. "You're only extending the duration of this task."

Mello barred his teeth. He couldn't do much else with his arms tied behind his back, several bones in his arm and shoulder broken, and Matt sitting on his legs. Yes, his asshole of a best friend was there because he pounced at the opportunity to give Mello shit without consequence. Because in his case, Mello couldn't fight back.

He wriggled and tried to yell at Near and Matt despite the stripe of duct tape across his mouth. His efforts proved useless, since he couldn't get off the bathroom floor, so he slumped against the side of the bathtub.

"Shh, Mels, shhh." Matt said. "What's the big deal, anyway?"

Near puzzled over why Mello had to be defensive over something as menial as someone else washing his hair. In fact, this was the first time Near had ever truly had the chance to touch it. With handfuls of it between his palms, Near get to feel it's coarse, wet texture. The blonde strands were thin and fine. The stoic pictured how soft it would be when it was dry. He thought that it would be considerable, the softness of Mello's hair.

Mello mumbled something furious and incoherent. He trembled under Near's and Matt's hold, seething as much as he physically could. Matt looked up for a second, bemused by his best friend's temper. He patted Mello's cheek, smirking at how his forehead creased in irritation. "There, there." The redhead crooned. "Relax. There's nothing you can do about it."

"Should we hear what he has to say?" Near asked in a tone that was not curious or interested.

"Why should we? This is the most tolerable he's been since we've met him. All he's done is listen, not talk at all." Matt responded smugly. "I kind of like it."

Ignoring him, Near peeled the duct tape off halfway. Not taking it fully away or leaving it there. A compromise that didn't reveal his opinion of the matter. "Speak, Mello."

"I do my own damn hair!" Mello gruffly stated. "You're doing it wrong and I fucking swear if I get split ends I'll—"

Matt slapped the tape back over his mouth. "Zip it, chocolate breath. Near's gotta do this till your shoulder heals. Like it or not, plow the hell through it with a smile on that devilishly handsome face of yours. Don't fight it." He punched more buttons on his PSP, the virtual images refracting in flashes on his orange goggles. "Not worth the energy."

"We're doing this for your own benefit." Near reminded him, massaging shampoo into Mello's scalp. The blonde gave him an indignant scowl.

Matt nodded, not lifting his eyes from his PSP. "Righty-o. Genius kid's got it. Besides, we could take advantage of his situation, you know. Braid your hair or dye it. We could chop your bangs off. Make you go bald. Hey Near, do you think we could consult the Internet and learn how to do cornrows?"

"That's quite possible, Matt." Near lifted his slate eyes to look at Matt for a second, who was still resting on Mello's ankles. "In this case, I encourage the false credibility of the Internet."

Matt sniggered. "The worse the 'teacher' we get, the more hilarious and bad the results will be." He quit out of his game and connected to the Internet to begin his research.

"Which would be ideal." Near said, dipping the washcloth in water to rinse the soap out. He squeezed the towel over Mello's head, releasing the water. He then picked up the dry towel in Mello's lap to wipe off the streaks of water that ran down Mello's bare chest.

"Aw, this'll be classic." Matt stretched out so he was lying on top of Mello as if he were a lounge chair. His crossed ankles rested over his best friends's, his back pressed into Mello's chest, his hips fitted snugly over his lap. Matt huffed his red bangs out of his eyes, grinning cheekily. "You're comfy," he told Mello. He watched said victim roll his eyes in the mirror adjacent to them.

"Have you found a source, one that will teach us the desired hairstyle?" Near put his arms languidly around Mello's neck and rested his chin atop his head. He silently found truth in Matt's statement; Mello was rather comfortable.

"Yeah, hold on..." Leaning his head against Mello's good shoulder, Matt held up his PSP so all three could see YouTube tutorial to braiding in cornrows. "Okay, Near. Step one…"


	16. Grey Vocabulary

**Word:** Infernal

**Part of Speech: **adjective

**Definition: **abominable; awful: extremely troublesome or annoying

**Sentence:**Mello tore the paper with his teeth like a paper shredder when his _infernal_ albino of a rival topped the rankings once again.

**Word: **Aversion

**Part of Speech: **noun

**Definition:** a strong feeling of dislike of somebody or something

**Sentence: **It's not accurate enough to say Mello had an _aversion_ to Near; what that crazy blonde felt was _far_ worse.

**Word: **Apathetic

**Part of Speech:**adjective

**Definition: **lack of emotion; indifference, unenergetic

**Sentence: **Near was as _apathetic_ as a piece of toast; does it tell you it wants to be eaten? No. But can it do anything to stop you from eating it? Uh, no.

**Word: **Neurotic

**Part of Speech:**adjective

**Definition: **someone overanxious or obsessive

**Sentence: **When Mello, chaotic eyes, slung a gun up and pressed it into the temple of the waiter for refusing to give him chocolate syrup as a beverage, '_neurotic_' would be the word Near would use to excuse Mello from a jail sentence.

**Word: **Conciliation

**Part of Speech:**noun

**Definition: **to bring a disagreement with somebody to end, or overcome somebody's anger, suspicion, or hostility

**Sentence: **Near knew Mello's and his relationship had strayed into a _conciliation_ when he watched Mello toss his knapsack onto his couch and said, "Quit it, stone-face. That blank stare you're givin' me—it's freaky. I'm stayin' for a while, so don't you go and make such a big deal out of it!"

**Word:**Idiosyncrasy

**Part of Speech: **noun

**Definition: **a quirk: a way of thinking, feeling, or behaving that is peculiar to an individual; an unusual response to something

**Sentence: **When Mello felt the soft pressure of Near's arms locking around his waist, it occurred to him that this uncovered and revealed _care_ for Near was a _idiosyncrasy_ of his.

* * *

**A/N – **Gah, I'm sorry it's been a while! I'M MISSED YOU ALL DEARLY :3 But it's (finally!) spring break, which means I get to spend copious amounts of time chained to my computer. Yay C:


	17. I Hate Everything About You

I hate how your bedtime is 8 o'clock and you make me tuck you in.

I hate how you make me squish you into four jackets and a scarf before you go outside.

I hate how you stop me from choking you with said scarf.

I hate how you twirl your hair even though I've brushed it to match the glossy perfection that is mine.

I hate how you don't remind me that we're out of chocolate milk.

I hate how you don't go grocery shopping (or leave the apartment for that matter).

I hate how you don't cap the toothpaste.

I hate how you don't have your own toothbrush.

I hate how you are in charge of the remote.

I hate how you don't look me in the eye when I'm mad.

I hate how you continue talking to me even after I've left the room.

I hate how you sit on my lap at night and expect a bedtime story.

I hate how you never leave messages on my answering machine.

I hate how you hide from me when you're hurt.

I hate how the only color you wear is white.

I hate how you're convinced my sense of style is totally un-fabulous.

I hate how you don't make an effort to have similar interests in me.

I hate how once a month you force me to have a tea party with you and Optimus Prime.

I hate how you don't care if I stay or go.

I hate how you have to have the last say.

I hate how you think

I hate how you think you're different and alone

I hate how you think you can't let anyone in

I hate how you think you're smarter then me (you've so much to learn)

I hate how you think that every time I walk away, I'm walking away for good.

I hate how you've used me in the past.

I hate how you won't tell me about your past.

I hate how you don't listen.

I hate how you can't drive anything without training wheels.

I hate how you prefer vanilla to chocolate (what the fuck is wrong with you?).

I hate how you'd believe in anything because you'd rather not care.

I hate how you host Disney movie marathons.

I hate how Snow White is your favorite Disney princess (cause we all know Mulan is the shit.)

I hate how you make me doubt myself.

I hate how you won't let my ride my motorcycle on Tuesdays.

I hate how you won't watch Criminal Minds with me.

I hate how you won't watch America's Next Top Model with me.

I hate how you don't clean up after yourself.

I hate how you forget my birthday every year.

I hate how cruel you can be.

I hate how cruel you make me.

I hate how you beat me at Go Fish.

I hate how even-matched we are at chess.

I hate how you'd do whatever you had to to be right, even if it'd hurt me.

I hate how you hurt me.

I hate how you lie to me.

I hate how you lie to yourself.

I hate how for as ingenious you are, you're so naïve.

I hate everything about you,

And I love how much I hate you


	18. Physiology

"Say it, Near."

"No."

"Come on, you can do it. It won't kill you."

"I refuse." Near said, thinking of all the ways this _could_ kill him. It was physiologically impossible, for "dying of embarrassment" wasn't a viable manner of death. But it was physiologically damaging, which could prove to be just as fatal.

Mello pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting to stifle the oncoming headache. "It's just a word, Near. You're being impossible."

"And you're being immature."

"Is that something new? Near, last week when were in that Japanese restaurant and we found that energy drink called Pussy, I thought it was the funniest thing ever."

Near adopted a faint look of horror.

"Friggen Christ, Near. You're like the smartest person in the world. There shouldn't be something you _can't_ do."

"Was that a compliment?"

"It was a exaggeration that I used only to benefit me. Since criticizing you doesn't work, I figured if I inflated your ego you'd feel more compelled to humor me."

"Well played," Near said. "But this conversation is pointless. You're wasting my time."

"Oh, come on. Don't make a big deal out of this. I'm just trying to have a little fun here." Mello cracked a small, devious smile. "I wanna hear you say it."

"You're wasting my time," Near repeated.

"I can't believe we're fighting about this. It's the stupidest thing ever. It's just a word and you can't even say it." Mello sighed. "ASS! There, I said it. Why can't you? I'll say it again—"

"I don't appreciate your vulgar choice of vernacular."

"Okay. How about butt?"

Near avoided Mello's gaze.

"Hey," Mello raised his hands defensively. "I don't care what word you choose. Just say one."

"Why are you making me do this?"

Mello smirked. "Think about it this way. As of right now, there's something that I can do that you can't. Do you really want to keep it that way? It's like you're letting me win. Giving up. I know you better than that, you wouldn't make it so easy." Mello waited for a response from Near. It started to become clear that he wasn't going to relent, so he said, "If you're not going to say it now, what have you said before?"

Near paused a moment. "I've never had to say it out loud before."

"Near," Mello chuckled a little. "If you can't even bring yourself to say 'rear end' or 'behind,' how the hell did you get through learning about puberty?"

Near turned away, but not before Mello caught his slight pink stain on his cheeks. "I don't want to have this conversation anymore."

Mello followed him into their bedroom. "_Near_." He said firmly. "_Near._"

"Don't," Near said. He reached under their bed to fish out a new board game to occupy his time.

Mello's eyes went wide. "Please, _please_ tell me you learned about puberty."

"I didn't think it was relevant—"

"Relevant? It's life!"

"—to maximizing my intelligence."

"It's like biology or physiology. Or anatomy. There you go! Why don't you say the anatomical term? Gluteus maximus? That's, like, scientific."

Near started taking pieces out of the box. He laid them out on the bed.

"Seriously, Near? Just say it."

"Mello."

"_Near_." 

"You're not going to let this go are you?"

"No chance in hell."

Near stared at Mello for a beat. His mouth formed a straight line. He took a breath before he said, "I would call it the muscle inferior the posterior lumbar region." Near's voice took an edge that surprised Mello. "Now sit your ass down and play this game with me."


	19. That Day

**A/N-** So LordKeehl and I were talking a little while ago about what would happen if someone randomly walked up to Near and kissed him. Like, what would he do? We both figured Near could have a couple different reactions. So here we go - this one's for you, LordKeehl! Enjoy :3

* * *

Intro:

Near couldn't've predicted the day to be more predictable. He woke up, played some games, pissed Mello off, ate breakfast, played a little more, and studied something.

It was during his lunch period when things got a little unexpected. As he walked out to the main courtyard to have lunch, he started to notice that the other orphans were acting strangely. When he walked by, they would retreat into small groups giggling and speaking in swift, hushed tones. They would look back at Near, watching him with hands against their brows to block out the midday sun. Near would make eye contact with some, but they would quickly avert their gaze.

Near was suddenly _very_ aware that everyone was acting strangely. Usually he was accustomed to being ignored, so this sort of reaction surprised him. He didn't know what he was in for.

* * *

Lunch box in hand, Near made his way across the courtyard, choosing to ignore the other orphans. He had come out to eat his lunch and that was exactly what he planned to do. He carefully unfolded the blanket he had tucked under his arm in the freshly cut grass. It wasn't until he was unpacking his lunch box when he realized he had packed an _empty_ reusable water bottle. Instead of gathering up everything he had just lain out, he left his half-prepared picnic out on the grass.

Near decided to walk to the water fountain just inside the main building to fill up his water bottle. He was passing by a group of older boys at the doors when they did something that was unexpected. A few of them turned first, blowing him kisses, and the rest in the group followed suit.

(Reaction One)

Near looked away. He had most likely seen wrong. It was a hot day and he was without water, so maybe he was suffering from a delusion brought on by heat exhaustion.

He made it to the water fountain without experiencing anything else unexpected. He filled up his water bottle, recapped it, and reentered the courtyard. Walking back outside, he had to shield his eyes from the sun. At first he didn't see that A and BB were approaching him.

But it became clear as his eyes adjusted that A and BB were walking towards him, hand-in-hand. Near thought for a moment they were going to pass him. Suddenly they stopped in front of him, blocking his path. He paused and prepared himself to address them. Without a word the two boys kissed his cheeks from each side at the same time. As quickly as they came, they ran away.

(Reaction Two)

_Okay…_

Since Near hadn't spoken much with either A or BB much over the years, he categorized this encounter as peculiar. As he walked away from them, he wiped the spots on his cheeks where they had kissed.

Getting back to his blanket, Near used the disposable hand wipe packed in his lunch on his cheeks. He briefly acknowledged that more whispering ensued after A and BB took off running.

He was halfway through eating his sandwich when he saw Linda coming closer. At first, he saw her playing on the grass with her friends. She had been slowly building up the nerve to come near, Near noticed, because every few minutes her circle of friends took a step towards him and their giggling and whispering escalated.

"Um, so…hi, Near!" Linda chirped, plopping across from Near on the blanket.

"Hello, Linda." Near said. He continued eating his sandwich.

Enduring some silence on Near's end, Linda pulled on some grass curling around the side of the blanket. "So…how's it going?"

"Is there something you need?" Near asked as politely as he could. He wanted to eat in peace.

"Um, yeah. Hold still," Linda crawled timidly to Near's side of the blanket. Still on all fours, she leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.

(Reaction Three)

Near blinked. "What was that for?"

"Oh, nothing~!" Linda stood up, trying to suppress her giggles as she ran back to her circle of friends. All the girls giggled collectively when she returned to them. Near watched as she chattered to the rest of the girls. Some of them snagged extra looks at him. Others giggled along with Linda with their backs turned. It took a bit of rallying and convincing, Near saw, because then the girls had formed a line and they were headed straight towards him.

He braced himself. One by one Linda's friends fell to their knees beside Near in order to lean in to kiss him on the forehead like Linda had before.

(Reaction four, five, six, seven, and eight)

Once the girls had left, Near packed up the last of his lunch and didn't bother folding his blanket. He had to get to a bathroom (or the hospital wing!) quickly to rid him of all the germs the other orphans could be spreading to him.

On his way out of the courtyard, he was stopped by another orphan boy, who kneeled in front of him. The boy took his hand, causing the blanket to fall out from under Near's arm. Near was too flustered about dropping his blanket to note that the boy had been talking to him. Or reciting some sort of sonnet to him. All Near was concerned with was the fact that said boy kissed the back of Near's hand when he was finished.

(Reaction Nine)

"Stand up, Tristen." Near said, taking his hand back. "And refold my blanket. If there are any grass stains, I expect you to take up my dry cleaning bill this week. Now go on."

Near made another move to exit the courtyard. Suddenly he found himself surrounded by Riley and his group of closest buddies.

"Riley, you're standing in my way. I'd appreciate if you stepped aside…"

"Sure thing, buddy." Riley said, but not before he leaned in and planted a kiss on the corner of Near's jaw. Then Near, before he could take another step, found himself being passed between Riley's friends.

(Reaction Ten)

"What's happening?"

Ben kissed him on one cheek.

(Reaction Eleven)

"Don't you have a girlfriend?"

Ryan kissed him on the other cheek.

(Reaction Twelve)

"Don't you too?"

Brad kissed him on the nose.

(Reaction Thirteen)

"Er."

Henry kissed him on the temple, then ruffled his snowy locks.

(Reaction Fourteen)

"Ack."

Near broke free of the boys and power-walked away from them, his head spinning. Things were spiraling out of control. He didn't know how to react, really, to anyone that had kissed him just then. He had never prepared himself for a situation like this, because, frankly, he never planned to be in a situation like this.

Near was turning the last corner to the boy's bathroom, ignoring some blown kisses he got from other orphans when he stopped short. He had caught sight of an older girl strutting straight towards him. Her stiletto heels clacked loudly on the marble floor. With each step she took it echoed into the far reaches of Near's mind.

Near had heard of her promiscuity with the older boys. He suddenly felt apprehension and intimidation stirring inside of him.

"It's Near, right?" She called out to him. He wanted to move. He wanted to stay frozen. He wanted to sink into the floor. "You're the lucky victim today, aren't you? I heard some stories already, but I haven't got any taste of you." She licked her lips. "_Yet_."

He found himself sweating as she approached him.

"We can keep it between us if you want," she suggested.

Near backed into a corner.

She was coming closer, leaning in, and aiming straight for the mouth.

(Reaction Fourteen)

Although Near wasn't sure at all what was happening to him, he whipped the spit off his mouth, and completed his mission of running to the nearest bathroom.

* * *

Outro:

At the end of the day, Near found himself hiding in a janitor's closet. He didn't want to encounter any more orphans and certainly not any more germs! Near felt at ease among the clean agents—he was comforted by the copious amounts of Windex, Kleanex, Mr. Clean, Swifer, Scrubbing Bubbles, Scott, Bounty, and Lysol. After all, he _had _showered four times, brushed his teeth sixteen times, gurgled mouthwash seven times, hand-sanitized his hands and face ten times, and put some lotion and moisturizer on—twice.

Near retreated further into the janitor's closet the second he heard some approaching footsteps just outside the door. He was safely tucked behind a tall shelf of paper towel rolls when he faintly recognized the bodily outline of Matt—the only orphan, Near realized, that hadn't kissed him today. Even Mello had winked suggestively at him and blew a kiss to him.

Near almost hung his head and moped. He braced himself and turned to Matt, "Are you going to kiss me?"

Matt didn't look up from his DS3D. "Nope."

Near was relieved. "Any particular reasoning?"

"You're not my type," he said simply.

"And impulsive, neurotic, short-tempered blondes are?"

"Pretty much."

Near figured the redheaded gamer would give him a straight answer, so he asked, "Then…besides you, why has everyone decided that they want to kiss me today? Has Mello schemed with the other orphans to get me mono?"

"Oh, that." Matt said. "Yesterday we were all kinda sittin' in the main courtyard with nothin' to do. And I don't even know why this came up, but someone wondered if you'd ever been kissed before…"

A tiny, petal-pink blush crept across Near's cheeks. He was instantly grateful that the only light in the room was coming from Matt's hand-held gaming console.

"…We all figured not, no offense. So then we all became pretty obsessed and humored by the thought, so just because we were all really curious as to what you'd do, me and the other orphans declared today as The Day Where Everyone's Going to Kiss Near Because We Don't Know What the Hell He's Going to Do." Matt let out a breath because what he had said turned out to be a mouthful.

Near was speechless.

"A few voted for just calling it Kiss Near Day, but that notion was respectfully declined," he added.

"That explains everything."

Following a few moments of dead silence, Matt asked Near, "…So how does it feel to loose your lip-virginity?"

Though it took a moment to decode the modern colloquialism, Near answered, "I don't feel any different."

Matt was disappointed. "Hmm. Was hoping for a little bit more of an reaction."

"Before I found you, what were you doing alone in a darkened janitor's closet?" Near asked.

Matt smiled ruefully. "We all need a little break from Mello sometimes."

Near knew he and Matt could never be friends, but in that moment, he found a small part of himself wishing they could be.

* * *

**A/N—**After reading this, who totally wants to go on a picnic with Near and then kiss him? Or, well, maybe not…the kissing part, I mean. Our baby sheep lad needs some rest in the lip area because I think he's been a little traumatized!


End file.
